I guess that makes me the only convict then. Whatever. I’ve been putting up with shitty clients all day. Now I’ve got to take random pokes about a blog that features Ben-fucking-Greenman? Had to be Curt then, because he’s that lazy.
What? I work at a non-profit. And volunteer. And give to charity. None of YOU wanted to come to my Middle East cross-semitic bonding meet-up last night. That’s right Jello, *I* blow minds for a living.
Since we’re all about keeping it realer than thou, I’d like to point out I’m the only person on this blog who hasn’t fucked, worked for or publicly claimed friendship of someone in the New York Media/Publishing industry. So hold your GG Allin dribbled chin high while you work hard to not alienate [redacted],[redacted] or [redacted]. I.F. Stone is mighty proud that of your belief that going to a punk show is smashing the the dominant paradigm.
Dude, get back to me on what [redacted] thinks about Whitney being your friend. And you could have bothered to point out how little Whitney thought of blogging when it got her a really shitty Voice article. Related: you two are a star-fucker match made in heaven. Yeah, don’t it figure? I hated Whitney like seven years ago.
Speaking of the apocalypse: in case you ever wondered about the effects of a global thermonuclear war...
12:00 noon CDT 5 August 1988: Nuclear hostilities on a global scale begin as the U.S.S.R. launches a preemptive strike. Over 1,000 Soviet missiles—carrying 5,400 warheads—are launched as a counterforce strike against the U.S. and its NATO allies.
Current population figures are: Rio Grande Valley—690,000; Travis County—550,000; Texas—16,800,000; the United States—245,000,000; the world—5,150,000,000.
12:00 midnight CDT 5/6 August 1988: The nuclear exchange is generally over. In the U.S. 5,800 warheads detonated totaling 3,900 mt. Soviet and NATO weapons successfully used in Europe numbered 3,300 (1,200 mt) (excluding tactical weapons). About 6,100 warheads (most of them American, but some Chinese, British, and French) exploded in the U.S.S.R. with a total yield of 1,900 mt. Mainland China (P.R.C.) received 900 (detonating) warheads (1,300 mt) from its northern neighbor. Other areas receiving at least a dozen warheads include Canada, North and South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Greenland, Puerto Rico, India, Israel, Australia, Guam, Cuba, Syria, and Egypt. Hundreds of other nuclear weapons have been used in naval combat, in troop combat in West Germany and along the U.S.S.R./P.R.C. border, and in defending the Soviet Union from nuclear attack. About 50% of the global strategic and theater nuclear arsenal has been used. About 10% was launched but did not reach a target and 30% was destroyed on the ground. Altogether, World War III has involved the detonation of 18,000 warheads with a total yield of 8,500 mt. Including tactical weapons, there were 67,000 nuclear weapons in the world a day ago; now, there are 10,000 left.
In Texas 6,400,000 have been killed (38% of its original population). Of the 10,400,000 survivors, 3,000,000 have severe injuries and 2,000,000 have lesser injuries. In the Rio Grande Valley 340,000 have been killed (49%) and 90,000 injured (13%); in Travis County over 400,000 are dead (75%). In the U.S. about 110,000,000 people have died altogether, with the 135,000,000 survivors including 30,000,000 injured. In the U.S.S.R. about 40,000,000 have been killed out of a pre-war population of 285,000,000. Mainland China has had 100,000,000 killed out of a population of 1,090,000,000. Examples of other countries: United Kingdom, 20,000,000 killed (out of 57,000,000); Denmark, 2,700,000 killed (out of 5,100,000); Australia, 3,000,000 killed (out of 16,000,000). In Mexico over 3,000,000 have been killed, mostly in cities on the border with the U.S. Throughout the world about 400,000,000 have died.
What did I learn on Facebook today? Whitney Pastorek has a lot to learn about Pink Floyd, especially their fans… “I’ll know better than to be so cavalier with my opinon in the future. because if there’s anything I hate more than staying up until 4am to finish a blog post, it’s staying up until 4am to finish a blog post and have people call me an idiot/bad writer because I don’t like their drug music.”
Well, some jurors were a little testy about their six-month service. That sound of wailing you hear is all 300 users of ReiserFS agonizing about how the jury was unfairly prejudiced against nerds. Either that, or they were pissed they couldn’t get done in time to go to ROLFcon.
Hey, let’s recall a more pleasant part of our recent history: insulting our followers! Today, I present someone who manufactures nostalgia for Teddy’s, a place closed before she moved here (someone help me: Teddy’s was a Guido coke den for its last ten years — when exactly was it cool?), and then takes a note from fucking Eater— an organization that sucks any dick that even smells like Keith McNally — because they lament the passing of Minetta Tavern. Boss, did you meet this woman through Kevin or something?
Meet Daniel Pipes and his nifty plan for Muslims, which likely includes rail cars at some point. As the Times so transparently parrots for him in the sixth graf “It’s a battle that’s really just begun.” Fresh from his last battle railroading the professor at Barnard, maybe he will form a superhero duo with Horowitz, finding degenerates under every rock. Apparently he’s learned a lot useful things from his parent’s stories about fleeing Poland.
It could be my mood this afternoon, or wishful thinking, or the fact that I need a stronger eyeglass prescription, but when I saw this headline I could’ve sworn it read California Holds Off On Cop-Spaying Plan.
Oh, I succumbed to Monster Facebook. Had to do it for work, meet some Arabs, etc. I made sure to go with the requisite “hey look at me, I’m drinking with a jacket and tie on, I’m in New York!” social networking look. How are you kids saying it, facial me?
Remember that book cover design talk in December 2006 with Milton Glaser, Chip Kidd, Dave Eggers and Michael Bierut that caused a big gender bender? Of course you don’t, but now you can watch the whole program and pause at the exact moment Glaser drops an ovary on the stage.
I’ve always wondered who was in Doree’s iPhone. Since when does Emily Gould outrank Will Leitch? He’s got more YA books to his credit than her, his essay collection is not materially different (in tone and style) from John Sellers (though it probably outsold John) and he’s a editing pretty successful blog, last I checked.