- O’Connor’s (closed) - One of the older bars in South Brooklyn. A handed down relic from the Dyke Slope era. If you drank there you would have met everyone who wasn’t an… old neighborhood resident.
- Hank’s - Dark, dusty. Christmas lights give it charm. Alcohol makes it lively. If you drink here you might get a chronic cough, meningitis, or a teacher’s phone number.
- Freddy’s - Currently relocated from the footprint of the Baryclays Center. A good spot to watch video art, drink a shot and a beer, and paw at the chain around the bar (political reasons).
- Sharlene’s - The only bar this side of Flatbush that doesn’t make you want to punch yourself in the face. Drink a lot, drink often. They have trivia some nights. The answer to every question is “I don’t know, it was getting nicer and nicer and I didn’t expect it to get this lame.”
- Canal Bar - Long, narrow and full of pop corn. You’ve made it this far down 3rd Ave. Have a drink before you head back.
- The Brooklyn Inn - A good place to eavesdrop… Wait, no. Fuck that. Just look at yourself in the full length mirrors behind the bar and wonder out loud why the group behind you feels the need to keep jabbing your back with their elbows.
- Union Hall - Imagine a small child walking into the bocce ball court, pick up your ball, and then walk towards the bar. He’s not coming back with a round.
- Pacific Standard - Need a book, take a book. Don’t go back.
- Fourth Avenue Pub - Need a beer, take a beer. Go back until dead.
- Brooklyn Tavern - Ask what the neighborhood was like before all the new people moved in. Look around when the person you ask raises their hands, with their palms out, in an exemplary manner. Be sure to drink a light beer.
- High Dive - Be sure to order deliver to the bar. Don’t make too much noise while smoking outside. Tip the shit out of the bartenders.
- Littleneck - Get shitfaced on the cheap domestic. Fill your stomach with bounty of the sea. Bring lots of cash.
Finally posting this.
I’ll sign off on most of this. Fuck O’Connors being closed though.
People who think “Brooklyn, NY” means anything at all